I got hammered
“We have perfectly fine porch lights. We do not need new porch lights.”
“Yes, dear, but you know that show where they update the outside of people’s homes? The designer installed new copper lights and they looked so darned nice! It completely transformed the look of the whole house!”
He shook his head no, but my mind was made up—my house needed copper porch lights!
I went to the home improvement store to research my options … and there my little fantasy came to an abrupt end.
It may take a price tag to make me listen to reason, but I do come around to logic eventually. Copper, as I’m sure you already know, is not cheap.
Was I disappointed? Absolutely.
Was I thwarted? Momentarily.
I meandered to the paint section to drown my sorrows in vibrant color … and there, in aisle seven, I had an epiphany.
It will go down in the history books as one of the greatest discoveries of my 21st century.
Did you know you can buy hammered copper in a can?
You can! They also have hammered bronze and plain bronze and wrought iron. For $7.87 plus tax, I would have my copper porch lights.
Unfortunately, I did not take a photo of my old porch lights, pre-copperizing. Just imagine them black, dusty and spotted with smashed gnats and cobwebs. Then whip out a can of hammered copper spray paint (or wrought iron or hammered bronze) and this is the result.
Isn’t that cool? I am so excited! Now I want copper door knobs and light switches and drawer pulls and a copper stove hood. Don’t worry, I will not spray paint my stove hood, though I’m fairly confident it would look like real hammered copper. I’m also confident that would be the final straw for the man of the house.
The moral of this story?
I got hammered copper lights, just like I wanted, thanks to a little luck, a dream that wouldn’t die and $7.87 plus tax. I shared my good fortune with the man of the house.
“See my new copper lights, honey? When you buy a pair they’re cheaper, so I only paid $468!”
He is used to my whims, and it’s not often I shock him speechless. This did it. In a panic, before he could have another heart attack, I quickly explained the situation.
” … and so we have two new copper porch lights for $7.87 plus tax.”
Now that’s the kind of upgrade he can appreciate!
P.S. Notice the cardboard under my light? It looks like copper and it’s cardboard. Hmmm. Imagine a nice piece of birch plywood, edges rounded and sanded, spray painted with this miracle solution. Then imagine a four-legged stand constructed of old barn siding. Hmmm. A copper side table by the time the paint dries.
Holy Moses! I love a good discovery!