High-style hillbillies

Want to go camping in style? Here’s what you do …

Buy a vintage camper that’s all dented up and forlorn. The deal will be especially dirt cheap if the camper has been practically abandoned at a campground for 10 years. Pay in cash, transfer the title, buy a license plate and bring it home. Then — and this is absolutely imperative — you must give it a name.

This is NellieBelle.

Repair her lights by duct taping the new wiring to the outside and underside of the camper. Bonus points if your duct tape matches the camper’s exterior paint color (or used to). You also need to buy a few cans of spray paint. If your camper happens to be a 1972 Go Tag-A-Long, then chances are the robin’s egg blue paint has faded and chipped. Chances are also good that the hubby won’t let you repaint it that color. (Red is good. It’s neutral. Hubbies don’t seem to mind it so much.)

Here’s a tip: Do not paint over the vintage bumper stickers that talk about pollution and hunting. And it’s quaint to add a few of your own that say things like, “Save the 2nd! Right to bear arms” and “Certified Farmgirl” and “The Second Amendment: America’s original Homeland Security.”

Passive activisim is important for hillbillies who go camping in trailers named NellieBelle.

The next steps involve your husband … things like replacing dry-rotted tires. No need to discuss that here.

On to bigger and better things … like interior decorating. If you want some real inspiration, visit Sisters On the Fly. I surely love visiting their site and perusing the fun times of these hip women.

Come on in … and don’t let the screen door hit you on the way.

Though hubbies may have an opinion on the exterior of your new mobile palace, they don’t particularly care about the interior.

And so … drum roll, please …

I present NellieBelle’s master bedroom.

It will be a few years before this love nest lives up to its name.
The nursery — with room for four — is just five feet away. Incidentally, children are not required to make their beds on camping trips. And it’s imperative to have cheese puffs handy at all times. And a small fan will drown out noises that cause three-year-olds to awaken at odd hours. (Years of experimentation have concluded in this solution.)

Eventually, there comes a time to kick some of the youngins’ out of the nest. Especially when they lay giggling until all hours and wake the three-year-old currently slumbering by the whir of the fan. When that time arrives, send them on their merry way to the guest house.

And by the way … the longer your clothesline, the better. Same goes for tablecloths. Longer is better … in this case, longer would have been better.

Camping in your new redneck room with a view can only be enjoyed when members of your extended family come over for a potluck. Crockpots are good. Watermelons are sweet. Bare feet are common. And eating utensils are optional because you can always wash up in the crick.

Little boys congregate around hot dogs and great-grandmas will play hide-n-seek with said boys. Incidentally … this is my almost 92-year-old grandma. She has Alzheimer’s disease. Though she occasionally forgets our names, she remembers this place. She’s the one who started it all … 70 years ago.

But back to high-style hillbilly livin.

Your home away from home should reflect your personality. It doesn’t need to be fancy, just functional. The cheaper the better … because you’re here for the great outdoors, right?

And speaking of the great outdoors … watch out for unexpected hazards.

One never nose when an accident might drop in on you!

I’m sorry, sweet daughter of mine. I promise you will never see this photo again … until high school graduation.