Three’s a crowd, batman

I was awakened at 3:38 a.m.
A small fluttering sound broke through my dead-to-the-world state of deep sleep. It came closer and then departed at least twice before my mind registered that something was flying by my face. I opened my eyes and was blinded by moonlight. A split-second later I saw something fly across my bedroom.

I let out a screech which instantly awakened my slumbering husband who jumped upright just as I yelled, “IT’S A BAT!” and simultaneously we both pulled the covers over our heads.

“What?” He said, near hysteria himself.

“I heard a fluttering sound and I opened my eyes and saw something flying around the room. It’s a bat!” I squealed in dismay.

Still dazed and confused, he tumbled to the floor, crawled over and opened the screen door. Then he dove through our bedroom doorway. I continued to lay stone still in my bed with the sheet over my head, silently hyperventilating. With each pass around the room I could hear the bat’s little wings beating frantically as it tried to find a way out with its unique radar. Or is it sonar? Who cares! There’s a bat in my bedroom.

The bat must have circled above my head nine or 10 times before I heard Farmguy say, “I’m going to turn on the light.”

“Noooo!” I screeched. “It will go crazy! Please! I don’t want it to land on me!”

The bat flew past my head again and then … all was still.

We both waited.

“Did it go out the door?” I inquired.

The light came on then. Nothing happened. I refused to look until I heard the screen door slide shut and he assured me it was gone.

We looked at each other.

And then I started to giggle. Hysterically. If only you could have seen my husband jump to attention at my first shriek and cover his head at my proclamation. If only you could have seen him dive to the floor and sneak stealthily to the door to lure the rabid beast into the night. If only you had seen us consulting under cover of darkness as the beating wings of such a small creature completely

FREAKED US OUT!

“Where in the heck did it come from?” I wondered in between gasps and giggles. We recalled that Farmboy had been out on the deck and left the door open a bit.

“It could have been in here all night or there could be more,” he said. And then, “Would you please be quiet and go to sleep now?”

(Disclaimer: This is not THE bat. This is someone else’s bat)

What? How on earth was I supposed to sleep after such a hair-raising experience?

I cannot tell you how terrifying it really was. And now, how funny it is when I play it back in my head.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not really afraid of bats. They’re everywhere on a summer evening. My siblings and I used to try and swat them with badminton rackets in our back yard. I’ve even had a bat or two in the house before. It’s an old house, who knows what creatures also call it home.

BUT … being awakened from my sweet dreams by beating bat wings is something else entirely!

A bat in my bedroom. Snakes in my yard.

What’s next? Swarms of grasshoppers and raining frogs?