Farmgirl Follies

Darling disaster

Posted by Farmgirl on February 28, 2010  |  4 Comments

We are big fans of Masterpiece Theatre on PBS. There is something about the costumes, accents and overall themes of these presentations that calls to my soul. The Jane Austen series was one of my absolute favorites … and my brother appreciated it, too.

He spent Saturday afternoon — writing scripts, perfecting accents, arranging costumes and practicing a performance of Sense & Sensibility …

He called it a presentation from Disaster Piece Theatre. I call it brilliant and hysterical … with a twisted plot, a darling, five year-old narrator, eight year-old diva, and an audience member rushing the stage.

Without further adieu …

Disaster Piece Theatre from The Farmgirl on Vimeo.

I did acquire their autographs … I’m sure they’ll all be famous some day!

Farming made easy

Posted by Farmgirl on February 15, 2010  |  1 Comment

Family Farm.

A game of skill, luck, chance and infestation that changes with the season.

And just when you think you’ve finally turned a profit, it’s time to buy seed and fuel for spring planting.

Sometimes you wish you were as lucky as your neighbor …

And sometimes you realize you’re in a much better position. Nobody wants a soggy bottom.

On the other hand, wouldn’t it be nice if real farmers could get a Double Yield Fertilizer card? A card that automatically doubles the value of your crops no matter what happens?

The boys think they’re experts.

You know things are getting serious when the hat turns backwards.

It’s a sure sign of strategy and ruthless skill.

Uh-oh.

Farmguy’s been summoned to a meetin’.

And you should meet the banker.

She’s a tough cookie to crack. She has a soft spot for grandmothers, however.

Personally, I think they’re in cahoots.

And guess who won the game?

I knew it.

Sharing the love

Posted by Farmgirl on February 13, 2010  |  No Comments

It began with a poetic decree.

Then they pulled out the big guns.

Some approached the project with a delicate touch.

Others have their valentines seeing spots … er, dot-to-dots.

And still others just like squirting glue … everywhere. Anywhere. All over.

Which is why little girls should make Valentine’s Day cards …

And after cutting carefully crafted hearts in two, pesky little brothers should be sent to the nearest snow drift.

But they’re kind. They didn’t leave him out in the cold.

Instead they yelled, “Maaaaawwwwmy! Your son needs you desperately!”

And then they sent him marching to me. But I was ready.

I handed him a knife.

I handed him a bowl of pink frosting and a shaker of chocolate sprinkles.

We haven’t heard from him since.

Don’t worry.

He left a trail of candy hearts. One said E-mail me. The other: You’re dirty.

Like my kitchen.

Could be why the next one said, Luv Me.

Of course. How could I not. You, little boy are

My hero.

And as for the three amigas,

Simply divine.

Iron man

Posted by Farmgirl on January 28, 2010  |  6 Comments

We had another family Iron Chef competition last night.

This is our Iron Man … he edged out the white bean chili by one point, taking the cake with his homemade vanilla bean ice cream. It was the creamiest, richest, most delicious ice cream I have ever eaten. I need to get the recipe.

Did you guess the secret ingredient?

Beans. Don’t worry … we served Gas-X for an appetizer.

The diversity of bean recipes was amazing. We feasted on black bean brownies and baked bean-chili-mac. We sampled a cream cheese-pineapple-bean dip … fried chick peas … jelly bean ice cream … bean burritos … green beans … Southern succotash.

A feast.

And because we should all learn something new every day, here are some bean facts:

•  
  • Beans are one of the longest-cultivated plants. Broad beans have been grown in Thailand since the early seventh millennium BC, predating ceramics. (At least that’s what Wikipedia says.)
  • Beans were deposited on the dead in ancient Egypt.
  • In the Iliad (8th century), there’s a mention of beans and chickpeas cast on the threshing floor.
  • The oldest-known domesticated beans in the Americas were found in Guitarrero Cave in Peru and dated to around the second millennium B.C.
  • There are over 4,000 cultivars of bean on record in the United States alone.

Such valuable facts … I’m sure we can now say ”Yes!” to the question, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

Our family Iron Chef competitions have become a monthly tradition. There were more attendees during the Christmas edition. No secret ingredient in December … we all made appetizers. What a swell way to celebrate the holidays.

My, oh my, we’re good cooks. Seriously.

You should all come and share in the calories. Delicious!

And the conversations are intellectually stimulating.

And good company and great food prompt lots of smiling, happy people holding hands.

Oh wait … there’s no hand-holding.

The competition is fierce … don’t let those pretty smiles fool you.

And then there’s the  storytelling and the philosophizing … it’s first-class B.S., let me tell ya.

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”

                                                                             ~ Jane Howard

Axe men

Posted by Farmgirl on January 24, 2010  |  2 Comments

Need a reason to have kids?

The more kids you have, the more you can accomplish. I make them stack wood every day and twice on Sundays.

No, not really.

Just once on Saturdays.

It promotes teamwork and compromise.

It builds strong muscles.

And it keeps me warm … cuz when Mama’s not happy warm, nobody’s happy.

Speaking of being happy … I love little boys in bib overalls.

I love big boys in overalls, too.

Except when big boys in overalls refuse to smile for the camera. It upsets me.

Revenge.

I took a photo of his backside.

He finds me very annoying.

Especially when I try to make him smile for the camera.

He hates it.

But I usually succeed.

Just call me queen of the axe man.

Or the court jester.

Class clown?

Or you could call me the Big Bad Wolf.

Look!

There’s Little Red Riding Hood.

Bare necessities

Posted by Farmgirl on January 18, 2010  |  4 Comments

Everybody needs a smile … or two.

Happy Monday!

Morning routine

Posted by Farmgirl on January 15, 2010  |  No Comments

It’s melting. At 7:38 a.m., the kids begged to build a snowman.

7:39 a.m. — commence dressing children in snow suits, socks, boots, mittens, hats and scarves

8:01 a.m. — send them forth, into the winter morning

8:02 a.m. — pour myself a cup of coffee, select a cookbook and sit at the table

8:03 a.m. — answer the knock at the door; agree to give them a carrot

8:04 a.m. — sit down and open the cookbook

8:05 a.m. — answer knock at the door; agree to give youngest child his own carrot

8:06 a.m. — sit down and open the cookbook

8:07 a.m. — sip coffee

8:08 a.m. — answer the knock at the door; agree to another carrot … the first one was eaten

8:15 a.m. — snap photos of snow people and crazy trampoline kids in mid-January

8:20 a.m. — remove boots, head back to the table, cookbook and coffee cup

8:21 a.m. — answer knock at the door; yes, you may come in now

8:45 a.m. — undress children, supervise storage of soggy mittens, hats, gloves and boots

8:50 a.m. — take a half-hearted sip of lukewarm coffee

8:51 a.m. — bid good morning to Mr. & Mrs. Cardinal

8:55 a.m. — gulp the remains of lukewarm coffee

8:57 a.m. — snap one final photo

8:58 a.m. — advise Mr. & Mrs. Cardinal to enjoy these leisurely, romantic breakfasts for two. Explain that relaxing little trysts like these will end as soon as the children arrive. Suggest buckets of caffeine, vast reserves of patience and love, and an expansive sense of humor.

9:00 a.m. — on to the next adventure.

Frosty friends

Posted by Farmgirl on January 4, 2010  |  No Comments

The Snow Man

One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine trees crusted with snow;

And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter

Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,

Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place

For the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.

                                         ~ Wallace Stevens

Authoress

Posted by Farmgirl on January 4, 2010  |  2 Comments

written on a snowy, winter day by oldest farm girl, age 9

Once upon a time there was a baby butterfly named Betsy. Her parents were very nice. One day, Betsy’s parents were suddenly eaten by a big, fat bluejay. She was all alone and very, very sad.

Just then, a baby bumblebee and her family flew up to Betsy. They noticed that the baby butterfly was all alone. They asked, “Where are your parents? Don’t you have any?”

Betsy the baby butterfly said, “No. They just got eaten up by a big, fat bird.”

The bee family took Betsy under their wing.

One morning, they were all having honey for breakfast. Betsy found out she had a taste for honey. It was even sweeter than pollen!

Betsy was happy again and she decided that next she would learn how to buzz.

THE END

Tales of Christmas past

Posted by Farmgirl on December 26, 2009  |  3 Comments

A Christmas promise.
Though the day began cold and slightly-snow-covered, it ended in a soggy state. Pouring rain all day long, with periods of blue skies, temperatures that rose to 41 degrees by 7 p.m. and … a rainbow.

It’s not often we see a Christmas rainbow.
(It’s not often I photograph fences in such disrepair … a new year’s resolution, perhaps?)

Blue skies followed the rainbow … Christmas in March?

It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at
Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.
                                                                                  ~ Charles Dickens

This is the immediate gaggle of kids … offspring, nieces and nephews, minus one niece.

The kids on FarmGuy’s side (minus a couple of cousins) … last time I counted there were 19 great-grandchildren. But I could be wrong. It’s nearly impossible to get them all to stand still for a head count. It’s pure chaos when we all get together … and it’s fabulous!

Board games and secret confidences.

Three generations of farm boys.

New generations of farm boys.

Food, fellowship, fun and watching as the boys …

… play with their toys. Though they were given to little boys, that does not mean they weren’t purchased by the big boys, for the big boys.

Another thing big boys are good for … instructions. I much prefer he reads the directions and just tells me how to do it. Anyone else feel the same way? Don’t be shy, raise your hand … stand tall, be proud.

 
And then there are the Wii Ones.

This is what happens when children who do not have electronic games are introduced to electronic games by their lucky cousins. It’s a fight to the finish … a battle to the brink … followed by begging and pleading and scheming to make it possible in our house.

And then the spouses take each other on.

Seriously … is it healthy for spouses to spar with each other in an imaginary boxing match? Is it good for them to be yelling, “Take that!” and “Oooohhh, K-O!” at each other? I’m not convinced.

But I will admit, it was fun. Even though I’m suffering from a sore shoulder, because I was really into throwing those punches.

I can’t help but throw caution to the wind … go for broke … give it my all … when I have such an adoring cheering section behind me.

Whether you say yay or nay to a Wii, one thing is for certain.

One thing we can all agree on …

Moments like these are heartwarming. Moments like these remind me of the true reason for the season. 

I hope you experienced a few heartwarming moments, yourself!